Bang 2

Driving home last night, Angie and I were having a giggle about what hoops we'd have to jump through in order to fire a cannon in the UK. In a moment of mirth, I came up with this list;

Volunteers have serviceable cannon which has been restored to working order, they go to Mayor for permission to have a regular noonday gun firing once a week during the summer months to help boost the local tourist trade

1. Mayor agrees
2. Local Tourism agrees
3. Town Council agrees
4. Local Businesses agree
5. Local Police agree
6. District Council contacted; hold Health and safety inspection on proposed site
7. District Council environmental site assessment, pass on request to County Council
8. MI5 background checks on these crazy people who want to play with antique firearms in public
9. Volunteers sent on five day 'health and safety with explosives' course
10. Medicals for Volunteers
11. Psychiatric evaluations of Volunteers
12. Firearms certificate demanded
13. Volunteers all have to have expensive gun safe's installed at their homes to store black powder
14. Police background checks on all volunteers
15. Firearms licence granted
16. At least six meetings to discuss possible environmental noise hazard of one loud bang
17. Cannon inspection (Cannon sent to Birmingham for proof firing)
18. Health & Safety meeting between Police and County Council re firing of cannon
    
19. Another Health and safety site meeting between Police and District Council
20. Police certificate required by Chief Constable's Office
21. Environmental license required from District Council
22. Planning permission required from County Council
23. Performing rights licence required from District Council as this is a performance in a public space
24. District Council health and safety site assessment for siting of warning signs
25. County Council health and safety site assessment for siting of warning signs
26. County Audit officer identifies area of duplication, requests cost cuts
27. District Audit officer identifies area of duplication, requests cost cuts
28. County & District health & safety officers meet to discuss demarcation
29. Council Chief Executive demands action after complaints from Mayors office
    
30. District & County Council Health & Safety liaison officer post created @ GBP35,000 p.a.
    
31. Vandalism to cannon requires the refurbishment of the carriage
32. Minority pressure groups protest proposed cannon firing (League against Cruel sports, Anti Islamic defamation league, PETA)
33. Noise prevention officer files complaint from local residents
34. County Council Health & Safety site visit
35. Area coned off two days before proposed firing
36. Volunteers interrogated for six hours by anti terrorist Police Officers, lose two volunteers for unpaid parking / speeding tickets
37. Explosives licence obtained for black powder only
38. Criminal records check on all volunteers before purchase of black powder allowed
39. Ten kilo's of black powder purchased because EU regulations forbid smaller orders
40. 40% blasting Gelignite sent by suppliers by mistake
41. Anti Terrorist officers raid Volunteers private houses again
42. Gelignite returned
43. Black powder finally delivered to District Council in error
44. District Council refuses delivery, passes order on to County Council
    
45. County Council refuse black powder delivery as they have 'no facilities'
46. Powder returned to suppliers
47. Powder re ordered and delivered to Volunteers house
48. Anti terrorist squad arrest all Volunteers until intervention of Mayors office
49. Volunteers released without charge
    
50. Cannon sited ready for noon day firing
51. Cannon given parking ticket by over zealous Parking Attendant
    
52. Cannon stolen and melted for scrap by illegal immigrants
53. District, County Councils fine Volunteers for 'non-compliance' with Planning, Environmental; and performing orders
54. Volunteers jailed

Compare this with the Canadian approach; I got asked this question last week; "Hey Martyn. Want to fire a cannon?"
Me; "Oh yes please"
"See you at the Bastion at eleven thirty on Tuesday."

My 'training' took ten minutes. I cleaned the cannon, made a charge, loaded and rammed the cannon, set the fuse and fired it. We fired the cannon at noon. I'm still chuckling.